disposable

It's been a while and it seems like the same things keep happening over and over. These relationships are getting repetitive with the same endings. When do I get my happy ending? The answer to that is never. I know what the problem is now. It's the same problem I've had in all my past relationships, though I never realized it. That problem is commitment.

How does a person who's never had close relationships with family, friends or teachers commit to the one they love? What would their reaction be when they find themselves in a situation where marriage is a high possibility? For someone who's never had 'deep' relationships, don't you think they would panic? Don't you think they would be unfaithful in order to escape from this strange and foreign feeling?

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't love my family, friends or teachers. I do. I've even loved all of my ex-boyfriends, but never have i had any really close relationships with anyone. What I mean by close relationships is being able to say anything and everything, having a person that is your comfort. Knowing their every like, dislike, hobbies and interests. Their actions and reactions, everything you know. And the same can be said of them about you. For me I do not have this person. After that incident happened when i was 10, I pretty much pushed everyone away and closed myself off. Moving around a lot didn't help with keeping friends either.

This is my downfall as a person. In order to overcome it and find true love I hope to deepen my relationships with the people in my life.

Even though Lan and I are through for the last time, the good things happened and I hope with all of my heart that eventually one day there won't be any bad feelings between us. I hope this for all of the guys I've dated, but I know reality and I know that reality isn't that forgiving. But whether any of us keep in touch in the future or not, I hope they all find their happiness and are very successful in life.