Thursday, October 25, 2012

This week

I had this strange dream. I'm pretty sure it was Sunday night. I was lying in bed playing a game on my phone and texting my boyfriend. At around 11:30 PM I started to feel tired so I told the bf I would be taking a nap. Then close to 1:30 AM I "woke up", kind of. It felt like a dream or it had started out as a dream anyways. In the dream everything was as it was when I'd fallen asleep. I could see my living room area and someone had just sat down on the couch. They were crying, and I swear I could hear them crying, and they were begging for help, but I can't remember if it was in Hmong or English. I couldn't tell if it was a guy or girl and at some point I thought it was someone I knew.
There's only been one other time I can remember where I felt fear and was aware that I was dreaming. That time and this, I forced myself out of slumber. For some reason, in that dream Sunday night, I felt fear and panic and tried to force myself awake, but no matter how hard I tried it was so hard to stay awake. It's hard to explain just how I felt at that moment. I was half awake, but it was so hard to stay conscious.
My eyes opened slightly and I could see my closet and the light next to the bathroom door on. I heard some noise in the living room area and someone stumbling to my bedroom area. The person was still crying and stumbling to the bathroom. It was just a black shadow with the light behind them, but they seemed taller than me and a bit more on the lean side. Anyways, I heard them bump into the door frame as well and by the time they'd disappeared into the bathroom I was arguing with myself about going back to sleep or waking up to check out what had actually happened.
Now, I say I was half awake, but maybe it was also sleep paralysis. I hadn't moved the entire time, but then again, I'm sure I didn't try to move either. I don't know why. I was so tired and sleep seemed like it would feel just so good at that moment, but voice of reason won and I finally mustered up enough strength and conscious to text my bf and open my game to keep myself awake. Funny thing is, when I got up I knew I was alone. Not just because I live alone, but because of that feeling of when you actually are alone in an enclosed space.