18

This is the idiot that I am. I am an idiot.

I can say anything right now out of sadness or anger and I wouldn't follow through with it later, so I won't even waste my breath. I'll just turn to the next page, turn a new leaf and move on. I already know I'm strong enough to get over this.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I actually cried. Ugh so stupid!! Why?! Well, it felt good. I feel like a burden has been lifted off my chest. I feel somewhat good and somewhat sad and lonely. Conflicting. I had so much I wanted to give, but I guess I'll just smoke it out of my system.

I wonder if I could have done things differently? I wonder if maybe I didn't try my hardest. Would I look back and regret things later? But, reflecting on how things have happened, I don't think I was ever given the opportunity to maybe change the course that we've drifted upon now. I was always honest... Maybe that's the most I could have ever done. I gave him my heart and he did not accept it, I can only move on now.

If I could, I'd love to destroy all of those useless emotions in my heart though. Maybe with a sledge hammer. I don't ever want to feel like this again. I think I've had enough for the rest of the year haha. For the rest of my life.