Trust

A facebook friend posted a really good status a few nights ago, "A relationship without trust is like a car with no gas. You can stay in it for as long as you like, but it isn't going anywhere."

A great analogy. My ex, Mono, and I didn't have any trust issues. Some things in my past may have bothered him, but they had nothing to do with him not being able to trust me. Actually, trust may have never even been a topic of discussion between us. I think it was just always there. I do believe that trust was never an issue in any of my relationships aside from my most recent relationship with Steve.

I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character. I know how to pick and choose the good ones so trusting who I date has never crossed my mind. I think I always just trusted that they wouldn't go and cheat on me. Once they do, which they never have, that would be the end of it. I don't want to always have to worry that my lover is out with this or that person doing this or that. They can go hang out with their ex and drink if they so please, but I also expect that they would know enough to respect me and let me know when it might have any chance of bordering the conflict zone. Any man or woman of mine has to be that mature and considerate.

So, I see a lot of couples who get into these crazy arguments over jealousy, insecurities and secrets. I don't understand where they plan to go or how it even started. They stay together bc they say they love each other, but how long can they keep it up? Love can only take you so far, someday someone's going to give and sometimes love's just not enough. If you stay bc you believe if you love them enough eventually they'll come to value you just as much as you do them, I think you're risking a lot. I think you're just telling them that it's okay if they don't treat you right, you will continue to stay by them.

I know there can't be trust if there's no faith as well. I guess it takes a lot of both and a lot of communication.

I'm losing my train of thought since this entry has been written on and off for a day now... I could go on and on, but it's already dragging enough.

I'm going to do some yoga and pilates then go for a brisk walk with my buddy Vivi and hopefully catch some z's before hitting the liquor store with Dae today (:

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The Internet

is more important than what a lot of people give it credit for. Sure it has its vices, but what doesn't? The problems we face online are fought in our own backyards. A key difference being that it's a lot faster on the internet, but preventive measures and corrective action can be just as fast. Information and communication is almost instant and ready at hand which gives protests like those in Libya a chance to reach across seas or makes finding directions a simple task. Sites like Facebook or Myspace make networking easier and helps us keep in touch with those we love and care about, but just can't find the time to call as frequent as we'd want. They can even cost you your job because you decided to carelessly and publicly undermine your boss. Information you want is gathered in one place and all it takes is a few key words in a search engine to filter an array of sites for your picking.


Maybe this is a bit much for a short blog entry, but I just felt like forming some of my thoughts into coherent sentences.

Tag

I can make many wishes right now to right the wrongs I've done, but it wouldn't make me any better a person. The past can't be corrected bc we would first have to change who we are. Yeah, I'm evil. Right form to the core.

I feel like the big bad wolf who raped little red riding hood.. I've destroyed something pure and innocent.

But I still can't quite bring myself to go back. I'm still afraid of that dark place that I might never be able to escape from again. I'm such a warped being. Didn't I ask for happiness? Didn't I ask to be loved? I did, but I've twisted my wish into something ugly. The touch of pain and misery has been passed from my hand.

Stress

We live our lives always putting ourselves first, thinking our problems have priority over others. We wonder why no one understands us when we ourselves don't even try to understand anyone else. We are so consumed and distracted by our own worlds that we don't have time to realize, everyone else hurts just as much. If we could all just take some time to help someone around us, we wouldn't feel so alone. I think we would then realize that our own burdens aren't as big as they seem.

But, no one even tries to communicate and reach out anymore. Everyone speaks their story so loud it drowns out all other voices. No one accepts the helping hand anymore. They take advantage of it, take it for granted, then blame it.

Man I've been so unhappy for so long, I know I've made two people very unhappy, too. Idk how to escape or how to even help myself. I think I should just ask a good friend what I should do, then do exactly just that. I don't think my judgement is right anymore.