Seriously!?

Urgh! I'm so not in a good mood right now! I've been fishing almost every day, but the enjoyment has been slowly declining! I seriously wish I had someone I could talk to, heart to heart. I wish I had a best friend who I could tell everything to and would give me an honest opinion. I wish I had someone unbiased and caring.
I need time to myself, for myself and completely alone. I need a fucking break.
Why do people assign their own self worth to others? You don't fucking know and have even less authority to assign the worth of others to me.

I need a notebook. Pour my feelings and thoughts into the melting pot and hopefully something intelligible emerges.

I always say I don't know what I want, but only what I don't want. Well right now I miss you. I'm not sure if I'll be happy with you in the long run, but right now after not talking for almost 24 hours I'm left with this feeling of loss... Of longing. You often ask me why I love you, but I couldn't ever give you a "valid" reason. You know, it hurts when someone rejects your feelings in disbelief. I love you. It's as simple as that. It's hard not to love someone who cares so deeply and unconditionally. I know you love and you care for me without ever complaining. Who would I be to not end up loving you too? You are the sweetest. I know it sounds shallow, but I just can't explain it well. I can't find the words to explain my feelings of why.
It's true I can't imagine my future with you, but we never had time to really learn about each other. We never had the chance to really love each other. You have a lot of flaws that I'm always pointing out and I know I could be a lot more encouraging and supportive. I know I have a lot of flaws too. It is possible we could be happy together, working on us together.
I miss you.