relations...

People are like colours. Every single one unique and different. When we meet someone our colours merge and create a new colour which represents the relationship... Some are beautiful and some are just ugly.
We're all born with a toolbox of emotions. We have all the tools there and only use what we need when the time calls for it. Some may be wearing out and some you may have never touched, but we have all the necessary tools and they'll always be there.

I'm sure all of us have always wanted someone we could tell every single one of our dark and dirty secrets to without having that person reject us in reply. Someone who accepts every single part of us without hesitation or fear. This person could be anyone... A parent, a brother, sister, lover or a friend. They'll stick with you through the worst of times and the best of times, through breakups and through the short periods in which strangers come and go in your life. When you get married, when you have your first kid and even when you've grown old and gray that person will still be there smiling and laughing with you. Always knowing what to say when and where, we all need someone like that.

But, what happens when you find someone like that? And what if you're the type of person who never had anything so wonderful in your life, never even dreamed of having such a precious thing in the world? Always alone and having no one at all to rely on but yourself. You'd think you'd be thrilled, be happy and cherish it, but that's not reality. Instinctively, as a human, you would reject it. We reject what we don't know, what we can not comprehend and what can potentially harm us.

I hope someday you overcome this, dood. As scary as it may be, it's actually quite a wonderful world out there and in order to fully enjoy it you've got to accept the fact that you will, no doubt, get hurt a lot and quite gruesomely. But that's what defines a person, how they overcome their problems and whether or not they've given up. It's not so hard to love and to trust, the only hard thing is the start. It's that moment right before the plunge. It's very scary, but you've got to live life to the fullest if you ever want the right to say that you lived. Most people only get by in life, but I know that that's not what you want... You're not that kind of person. And you say you're willing to die at any moment for the people in your life and yet you can't even do the simplest task of living... Just jump off that cliff already!!!

Thought Trails

I want to feel alive all the time 24/7 always and forever from here on out. I want to see the world in the blink of an eye, within the whispers of a passing kiss. I want to feel the wonders of the world within the hold of a hand and become breathless from the burden of the beauty. I want to see the ends of the universe within a stranger's eyes. To be taught the meaning of life just by taking a breath when I've fallen into despair. I want to feel like I'm falling endlessly whenever I look to the sky. Some days I want my heart broken just to know that I'm alive. Some days I want to run out somewhere where no one will find me, where no one could reach me just to know how painful the distance really could be. All this in a day, someday, everyday.

*****

I participated in the Dragon Boat Festival here at Phalen in rowing a dragon boat. I'm so glad I didn't back out at the last second like I was originally planning. I only said yes in the first place because I was thinking of that Yes-Man movie haha~ But it was a fun experience, we got 12th place out of 22 I think.
That day my friend Crabby thought this one guy looked kinda cute so I went up to him and asked him in this order, if he had a girlfriend (no), if I could have his number for my friend (um this is unexpected), and for his name which I won't mention. After that David said that he looked like Blue, this guy he knew from high school whom, on our first meeting I'd asked him to flex for me because he looked really buff, and Crabby said he looked and had the same name as the guy her gay friend was trying to hit on. Turns out it was the same guy her friend was trying to hit on, and he's also Blue's younger brother. The world is so small.

I'm thinking of changing my work schedule from daytime to graveyard shifts. It's a little scary and intimidating because I don't know how my life is going to go with that change, but for now I guess I'll go with the flow. If my manager never contacts me about the change or it isn't possible then whatever. It's not totally necessary anyways. Though I do love working with the people who come in at night and it would leave my daytime open for holidays and stuff... Ah the pros and cons...

I feel bad I haven't put up any of my recent works... Well actually at this point and time it's not even recent anymore. I'd like to work on new drawings and stuff, but I've not been inspired to do anything at all as of late. Maybe I'm not as serious as I always thought I was.