16

I'm getting somewhere closer to where I really want to be. Somehow I think I'll manage if I try just a little bit harder. It's so hard and lonesome though, but I know I got some great friends. Sadly Glue and I don't talk anymore, I don't talk to Wang much anymore either. Lately it's been me and David. This past week we went to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and Surrogates with some friends. We played tennis in the dark and hide & seek at Battle Creek as well. It's been fun and random. Oh and I got to hang out with Mong and Bobby too (: I think I'll try to find more things to do with my time instead of sleeping in so much. I've been getting up at around 3 or 4 in the afternoon, going to work and staying up till 6 or 7 depending on when I get off of work. Life's stressful and I got some problems that I gotta take care of... Hopefully they don't become too serious ; o;

About Shiji I'm not sure what to do, I'm confused and lost about this as well. He never talks to me so I never know what I'm doing or where I'm supposed to go with this. He still thinks about his last girl, but says I'm not a rebound... I guess I'll believe in him. I think even if I did get hurt in the end I won't regret it. Maybe I'll just regret on passing up on the few good guys I did get to meet because I'm so crazy over Shiji.

Ugh and that creep Romee texted me around last week for late night sex, then the next night for money T_T;; Of course I said no to the first one, but the second he needed gas money and his credit card wasn't working... I was at work so I told him to call his friends instead and he said to me, "thanks friend" fjdksal;fjdsa;lfjdas I felt soooo bad ; o; I think if I wasn't working I'd have gone to help him ):

15

It's funny how the everyday ordinary things are linked with memories. For example, scent. The smell of Axe reminds me of my ex Sao. Music, anything by Bump of Chicken reminds me of Andri Tei who is currently located in Singapore. Playing pool reminds me of Mong and Tenzin. When it rains, I think back to my childhood when I would sit by the window and just smell the rain and get sleepy. The smell of alcohol on a person's breath reminds me of the bar Malina's or when Lan got drunk at Lucky's house.

Time flies by way too fast, sometimes I don't even know what I did. I want to appreciate every moment more. If I can't remember simple things then doesn't that mean I didn't live at all?

I'm a little nervous, tonight I work till 6 in the AM.

Shiji shiji shiji shiji... It's a lonely world with you in my heart. I feel like my existence is never remembered. Like the thought of me never crosses his mind.

"Seems like he's just taking advantage of you since he knows you'll always be there waiting."
"If you were worth his time, even if he was busy, he'd try you know?"
"It's either he doesn't care about you enough or that he knows that he can get you hooked on him even after leaving you alone for so long."
"The things he does is what I'd do to girls I don't care about."

I'm so tired of waiting around... I've got to fill up my time, to pass the time, to get my mind off of him... I've got more important things to worry about anyways, but when I'm not doing anything productive all I think about is him.

I need to keep myself busy.