11

This last Saturday was the Center for Hmong Arts and Talents (CHAT) Art Festival. My friends and I got there around 140pm so I missed Andi, who is the keyboardist for Venus on Fire. He had a wedding to go to so he was there for a few songs only I believe. I was able to catch the last song VoF performed though (: Some more notable performances that I can remember: The Dirty Darlings, The Hilltribe and A Day Forward. I'm seriously in love with these three :D Aside from the awesome performances by various bands, there were some really nice artworks up, too. I think there was more this year than the previous year, as well as more people who attended.

I met the singer, Tousue Vang, for A Day Forward at work, my coworker knew him and mistook my friend for him at the Dragon Boat Festival. He's a pretty cool guy and goes to MCAD, which is where I want to go to (: He's got some nice works up on his website too. I find them quite inspirational, probably because I know him in person... It's always more interesting when you can see the artist in person. At the festival, I also met one of the rappers for The Hilltribe, named Vong Lee. He's a pretty cool and down-to-earth kind of guy, or so it seems. It would be pretty cool if he could steer my brother on the right road in rapping lol... My youngest brother seems so foolish and childish, but I suppose these are phases you can't avoid growing up...

Other than these artists, I was also able to see a lot of people from the U I haven't seen in over a year. I totally miss them and kinda wanna go back to HMSA this coming year (: But the only problem is that I never really get involved, just slightly here and there... Who knows, we'll see. New people... I met this guy named Andrew Xiong who looks really familiar. He says he's seen me around almost all of the Hmong events or something haha... That's funny cuz I get so nervous around crowds...

Yesterday I was finally able to chat with the guy of my affections again. He apologized for not calling me like he said he would and everything was okay again (: He said he'd call me yesterday to hang out, but he didn't again. No big deal though because he sincerely means the things he says. This feeling is strange and new. I'm content without wanting and wanting more and more. Just a simple hello now and then and I'm happy. This feels good.

10

I miss him terribly.
It's getting kinda painful and lonely.
Why and how did I let myself get here again?
Waiting waiting I keep on waiting...

wo xiang ni

9

Two nights ago I worked till 3AM and it was raining. I couldn't bike home so I called Dafmer to come pick me up. While I was waiting outside I noticed someone had left a bag on my handlebars. Inside was this gorgeous card... Who else, but my best friend would leave something like this for me? I'm glad there's no hard feelings between us. We haven't talked in a few days now since I went out on that date...

And while I was waiting, I overheard some customers talking to this Hmong girl in a red sweater. I heard that she was going to walk all the way to Rice Street in that weather so I asked Dafmer if he would mind taking her even though we both didn't know her. She started walking before Dafmer got there, but we went looking for her and I told her to get in, we would take her. She wouldn't get in. She said she was fine, her boyfriend just beat her up, but she's fine. In disbelief I got out of the car and grabbed her sweater. I told her we weren't bad people, we would take her, we didn't mind. She just smiled and shook her head, she had her son to think about, she said her boyfriend was just at my work place and that the truck down the road was probably him. She didn't want us to get involved and told us to go before he saw us... I wanted to just push her into Dafmer's car. I wanted to save her, but how can I do that when I can't even help my own self? I don't even know her name, but I was so sad for her. So before I left I told her she should leave him if he's hitting her and to take care of herself. What meaningless words right? How many times has she heard those words before, I wonder... I'm just a stranger anyways, right? But I don't think I'll ever forget her. I hate myself for not being able to do anything for her. Why should I care anyways when I don't know her, right? Well I don't care if I'm being foolish. I care and that's that. These are my feelings and I can't do anything about it. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I just didn't care, if I were more indifferent, but then I wouldn't be me anymore. Sometimes it's nice to just know that someone cares, I think. I hope she's doing well.

Let's see... We went to go see District 9 Monday night and there was this guy working there who really caught my eye. He had blond hair and couldn't stand still. He would snap his fingers, tell me lies and then tell me more lies on top of those lies then tell me the truth. I have to say he reminds me of jazz haha He's an interesting guy. Then a really super duper cute girl replaced him and I talked to her for a bit too (: After that I met my coworker's friend who's 17... My friends called me a cougar.

District 9 was awesome. Loved it. I'm sad Lan threw away the sticky poster I stole from the boy's bathroom a while ago ):

After the movie Dafmer and I went to Perkins. I had breakfast at midnight. There was a group of Hmong guys eating there too and one kept eyeing me and making faces at me lol... I thought he was Viet at first. Anywho, Dafmer was having a really good time eyeing them trying to psyche them out lol But at the end of the night, the guy left me his number. I ended up texting him just for fun, thinking that he might be useful to get me through the time that I couldn't talk to the first guy, but he ended up being really cool and I totally enjoyed talking to him... I judge people right off the bat, but I don't care that it's wrong. I love surprises and this new guy really surprised me. He's really fun to talk to, we've talked till like 6 in the morning two nights now. He didn't call me yesterday, but it's okay.

I think I'm digging my own grave though... The first guy doesn't show me enough affection or interest, but I know he's sincere... This new guy I'm not even sure yet, maybe he's just playing around with me, but he's shown me more interest in two nights than the first guy has since we started talking... I don't want to put myself in another situation like two years ago though T_T;; I think for now I'll just go with the flow, don't even think about it. Scared yet excited. Arg but truth is I really do like the first guy... I feel deprived when it comes to him, but this second guy is giving me what I'm longing for... Something doesn't feel right... I'm soooo confused...

Arg forget it! I need to focus on me!! Forget about these guys for now. Whatever will be, will be. I first need to be happy with myself.