Isn't it weird how we chase after the ones who don't care about us and totally overlook the ones that care the world for us? It's cruel to lead others on when you have no intention of ever making them happy, yet we do it anyways. Why is that? Is it the thrill of having that kind of power over someone? To make them think about you all day, give a little and then take it back. And what about loving the chase, but not the reward? Some people will chase after someone as if it depended on their very life, but once they've obtained what they were chasing after they lose interest. What is it that compels us to do these kinds of things that would hurt others for our own amusement?
Why were we born into this world lonely? We've survived just fine without that special someone in our lives till we get that first bitter and sweet taste of love and after that we just keep searching. I grew up fine without a lover, and I'll survive just fine without one. Shit happens and I don't need to go through something twice before I actually learn my lesson. Relationships leave you with nothing... Friendships blossom and last a lifetime, but relationships end. So why bother? I'm done... I'm done letting people in and having them walk out of my life as if I wasn't worth anything. I'm done having someone stay in my thoughts for hours on end. I'm done with being toyed with.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
disposable
It's been a while and it seems like the same things keep happening over and over. These relationships are getting repetitive with the same endings. When do I get my happy ending? The answer to that is never. I know what the problem is now. It's the same problem I've had in all my past relationships, though I never realized it. That problem is commitment.
How does a person who's never had close relationships with family, friends or teachers commit to the one they love? What would their reaction be when they find themselves in a situation where marriage is a high possibility? For someone who's never had 'deep' relationships, don't you think they would panic? Don't you think they would be unfaithful in order to escape from this strange and foreign feeling?
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't love my family, friends or teachers. I do. I've even loved all of my ex-boyfriends, but never have i had any really close relationships with anyone. What I mean by close relationships is being able to say anything and everything, having a person that is your comfort. Knowing their every like, dislike, hobbies and interests. Their actions and reactions, everything you know. And the same can be said of them about you. For me I do not have this person. After that incident happened when i was 10, I pretty much pushed everyone away and closed myself off. Moving around a lot didn't help with keeping friends either.
This is my downfall as a person. In order to overcome it and find true love I hope to deepen my relationships with the people in my life.
Even though Lan and I are through for the last time, the good things happened and I hope with all of my heart that eventually one day there won't be any bad feelings between us. I hope this for all of the guys I've dated, but I know reality and I know that reality isn't that forgiving. But whether any of us keep in touch in the future or not, I hope they all find their happiness and are very successful in life.
How does a person who's never had close relationships with family, friends or teachers commit to the one they love? What would their reaction be when they find themselves in a situation where marriage is a high possibility? For someone who's never had 'deep' relationships, don't you think they would panic? Don't you think they would be unfaithful in order to escape from this strange and foreign feeling?
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't love my family, friends or teachers. I do. I've even loved all of my ex-boyfriends, but never have i had any really close relationships with anyone. What I mean by close relationships is being able to say anything and everything, having a person that is your comfort. Knowing their every like, dislike, hobbies and interests. Their actions and reactions, everything you know. And the same can be said of them about you. For me I do not have this person. After that incident happened when i was 10, I pretty much pushed everyone away and closed myself off. Moving around a lot didn't help with keeping friends either.
This is my downfall as a person. In order to overcome it and find true love I hope to deepen my relationships with the people in my life.
Even though Lan and I are through for the last time, the good things happened and I hope with all of my heart that eventually one day there won't be any bad feelings between us. I hope this for all of the guys I've dated, but I know reality and I know that reality isn't that forgiving. But whether any of us keep in touch in the future or not, I hope they all find their happiness and are very successful in life.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
1
i drank a small cup of milk today.
there's two new drawings i did, but i don't think i even uploaded older ones. i'm thinking about buying my own website. problem is, i don't know what i'd want the address to be, or where i'd buy it from.
there's two new drawings i did, but i don't think i even uploaded older ones. i'm thinking about buying my own website. problem is, i don't know what i'd want the address to be, or where i'd buy it from.
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